Right Love (for me)?

[Branden]

This may be a lengthy post. Sorry if there are spelling errors; I'm typing on my iPad & it autocorrects things weirdly sometimes.

Well, I am currently 18 and I started my dating life about 2-3 years ago. My very first date was in 6th or 7th grade, though, but I don't count that since the girl and I never talked since I asked the question, so we stayed friends instead. The next girlfriend I had is named Chelsea. Honestly, she looks a lot different, to me, than when I dated her. We lasted about a month, maybe a little more? She was fine and everything and I did like her, but I realized I didn't LOVE her. We got into a fight or two, so we ended up splitting for reasons I do not remember. I do not even remember how the break up happened. After her and I broke up, I was sad, even though I didn't love her, 'cause there was. Still a connection that I felt. We are still friends, though, but basically never see each other. After Chelsea, I made the final decision of "never dating until I get that one gir who is right for me in many aspects." Well...on January 8th, 2011, I finally found that girl, or so I thought for the longest time. Her name was Karey. Karey Anne. We had an instant connection & we dated the day we met. We did talk on FaceBook before that day, though, but that was December 28th up until January 8th, as said already. We were doing so good, but I quickly found out she was an Atheist. And a smoker with a very troubled past. Within the first 2 weeks of dating, I got her to quit smoking, which was awesome to me. I do not date smokers, but for some reason, I dated her; but I didn't know she smoked until after I asked her out. Anyway, the first 3 months went by great. I celebrated her birthday with her the 2nd month we dated and everything was fine. It was shortly after, in April sometime, maybe mid-April, when we began to start fighting a lot. Not sure where the fights came from, but they showed up frequently. Argument after argument, for 4 straight months of a lot of downs and few up's, we were in the worst disfunctional relationship you could imagine. Parents would get involved, threats would occur - just a mess. Well, backing a couple months, in May-July, her and I had sex five times total. Maybe six. Well, we were caught by my Mom...not while having sex, but when I was away for 1 day my Mom went through my drawers looking for nail clippers, but she found 2 condoms. My Mom and I talked about it after the 2nd day she found out and I didn't really get into trouble - just yelled at some by my father. It still gets brought up today by my parents. Well, Karey thought my parents were going to tell her Dad about it, which they weren't, so she told her Dad what we did. He was mad and still does not really like me. Her Dad never let me see her hardly ever in late June, 'til the day in August when we broke up after 7 months. Now, after so many memories with Karey, all the tears shed for her, all the pain I've gone through for her, and my time used on her, I now see she wasn't the one and it hurts so bad to type that. Somewhere deep down I still have feelings for her, which is why it hurts for me to not be with her. All of this leads to the main point of the post....

What can I do to stop thinking of her? She calls me sometimes still and I don't want her to. It brings back all the memories we've shared. I honestly do want another girlfriend and yes, I know I should probably wait, but I do not want that type of answer. I want a girlfriend so I can have someone close to me who will enjoy the Lord and be my soulmate. I also forgot to mention, I converted Karey to a Christian, gave her a Bible, some books, etc....but she just told me yesterday morning that she really didn't believe in God tha whole 7 mo this with me - and she still doesn't. So, please, help me. Help me. What can I do to get a girlfriend who's rooted into Christianity, but also likes to have a little fun, but not 'bad' fun? Thanks for reading. I will keep checking back here.

[tyler]

I've had that problem too man. It's rough. but you gotta remember God has a plan. One girl asked me this question "If God didn't want me to be with you, why can't i stop thinking about you?" and after a while, I came up with the answer that was there all along. all too often we confuse Our will with His will. We humans tend to devote so much time into what we want, that we forget the One who made us is still there to comfort us in our struggles. I know that wanting someone else and wanting to return to the past is painful, but that's what it is. The past. Somewhere, this will be explained from a bigger perspective. It could be in retrospect. It could be a moment of realization. Or maybe after life, we find out what the purpose of the pain in our lives were from our Maker. But for right now, the best we can do is reflect, look to His Word and guidance, and keep moving forward. And remember to look at the larger perspective. Something that you may find insightful is to look at a graveyard (i'm not trying to be creepy or anything). Every tombstone in there represents another life, each with stories in their own right. and each of them had a plan laid out by God since the beginning. Every part of your life has God's design somewhere, whether by protecting you, allowing a hard lesson to be learned, or showing new opportunities. There's always a meaning for something, as nothing God makes is ever truly without meaning.

[Branden]

Thank-you for actually typing a lengthy post. That makes me so happy you took your own time out for mine. Well, today, her Dad said he WILL call the police if I ever have contact with her again. You're right, there always is a meaning behind something, but like....where can I find a good, Christian girl who likes to have fun too and doesn't have a problem with dating? I just really want that girl in my life.

[tyler]

Well, I knew where you were coming from man. I've been in the place where I just wanted that girl. I knew that it wouldn't work out with a few girls, but I just didn't want to be single. But you could try inviting a girl to youth group. I mean, you would get to see her faith first-hand, and you would get to spend time with her.

Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

[Branden]

Like, I'm not the kinda guy who like HAS to have a girl always ASAP, but this time I feel like God is seriously telling me to go bet a girl better than Karey, so I can spend time in Christ with her. That verse was awesome.

[tyler]

For a little while I was that guy. But then I was reminded how much fun being single could be. But if you feel that you need a girl with Christ, then God will provide. just keep your eyes open, and He'll provide.

[Coty]

Okay its about time I get active on the forums again, and I really feel bad that I have taken so long to post on this. Branden, I honestly feel like you do. I have dated two other girls previously to my current girlfriend. Neither of them were Christian, even though I knew one that no relationship will last without God and that the Bible says this: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14 which to me is saying don't be with a non-Christian. Finally I am with a Christian girl, and it is really awesome. As you know I actually went to youth group with her tonight and I am really glad that I could. And also she really enjoyed youth group tonight which is awesome for me to her. It's like I grow in God on a different level with her, I mean a different way than I normally do ya know? So it's not like your crazy or anything for thinking that you really should be with a girl as long as she is Christian. And as Tyler has already stated, you will one day be with that right girl. The girl who loves God like you do, and who appreciates you for who you are. My advice is to maybe look up scripture on relationships and meditate on it, and overall just pray.. Honestly you would be surprised where you can meet a Christian girl, but also if you see a girl who you know behaves like a Christian try to reveal God to her (This is actually what I did. I could tell Kathryn was truly a Christian, this is why it did not take me but one talk to convert her, because she almost God in her life before she just needed to open her eyes to it) because sometimes that's all they will need and then you two could have a great relationship that would be pleasing to God. Overall, just pray about it and keep your eyes open. Keep living for God my brother, it will work out in the end. I'll be praying for you, God Bless.

[Branden]

Thanks for the lengthy post, Coty - they're the best types of posts. I have been doing, before you suggested it, the suggestions you listed such as looking up Scripture, praying about the situation, etc. You said, "you will one day be with that right girl," but how can I turn that "one day" part to "now?" Like, I'm probably making myself seem desperate, but I'm truly not trying to make it like that at all - I'm just trying to say I REALLY want a Christian girl as soon as I can. Because I'be been more on fire for God lately, but I want a female friend (eventually my future GF) to have to be be there with me who's also on fire. Like I also said numerous times, I'm happy for Kathryn and yourself; I really am. Now I need...or want...a girl like that to be called my GirlFriend. Each day I keep finding out more and more and it hurts me every day, even though I always seem fine. Like 30mins ago, if that, a guy was telling me stuff about Karey talking more than friends when she was with me....I believe it, 'cause Karey even admitted it too a while ago. But I swear people are purposely telling me stuff everyday to hurt me, but I know it's just my conscience thinking that.
Sorry for any typos, typed on my iPad 2.

[tyler]

Like i said, i've been there too. sometimes, we need to take ourselves and look at ourselves in a new light. It's impossible to do this next part entirely, but try looking from God's perspective. at yourself. would that be the BEST thing for you right now? Is there anything positive from it, or would the alternative be better? Maybe there's a lesson somewhere? Could he be helping you get somewhere by you not having that girl. To use a metaphor, let's look at a powerful river. at high tide, the river would sweep anyone who tries to cross far downstream, where it would be much harder to get where they originally intended. But at low tide, one could just wade across. Sometimes, life gets frustrating, 'cause what you want is right in front of you, yet you can't take it until God gives the go-ahead. But He is the one who knows what's best. He loves His children, and hates to see them in pain. But remember, the Bible says He disciplines who He loves. Love's hard. In my opinion, that proves He knows how we humans need companionship. If He thought our love lives were worthless, He would just go "Have at it" and let us loose, make it easy, you know? But He loves us enough to say, "Not yet. My plans for you aren't complete." I think that the nature of relationships between humans say volumes about God. I'm not sure how much of that made a lot of sense, but let me know what you think.